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So What!
I can open really wide!
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Okay, let me see if I can 'splain this one to ya.
A few years ago, around the time the All Suck Review began, I wanted to expand on the concept of ASRs and do reviews of ...oh...just about anything. As I was doing the research into things to say suck - I kept running across articles and new and shit that made me just shake my head and say "So What!".
Thus....So What was born.
It's not really anything having to do with All Suck Reviews...but - it's my website and I can pretty much do any damn thing I want.
So....here are the past "So What" pieces. Keep your eyes peeled for more!
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| May 23, 2003 WacoJaco City -- Jackson reported to be in serious financial problems and may be close to having to file for bankruptcy.
SO WHAT!!
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Jacko Near Broke-O
Has the King of Pop lost his fizz?
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Jackass Star in Hot Water.....Again!! (So what!!)
Steve-O is going to Jail-O!! (So what!!)
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May 23, 2003 Jackass City -- Jackass star (cough cough) Stephen Glover, better known as Steve-O, up and got arrested in Sweden for swallowing a bag of marijuana in a condom while over there doing some of the shit he does on that damn ass show he is on. (So what!!)
This is the same guy who recently got out of trouble for indecent exposure after spending some case (donation they call it) for taking down his pants and stapling his nut sack to his inner thigh.
Listen to me people - the man stapled his scrotum to his leg!! The idiot should go to jail for swallowing a condom full of drugs just for the sheer General Principle of the thing!!
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| May 14, 2003 Albinoville, USA -- Every now and then you run across an article that just makes you want to pee in your pants. This was that type of article for me!! It seems that a group of folks - oh, let's call them "Pigment-Challenged" are upset that two of the new villains in the new Matrix movie are ... uhm.... "Pigment-Challenged". (Click here to read the actual article)
Normally I would just make this another entry of "So What"...but this just tickles me soooooo much - I'm am adding this under the heading of "You Are Fuckin Kidding Me, Right?!?!!"
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Pigment-Challenged Individuals Pissed Off
Albino's upset at new Matrix villains
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| PIGMENT-CHALLENGED INDIVIDUALS....I have never heard that term before. Like...an albino person can go out to some physical therapy and reget some of the pigment that they don't got? Well...I guess if Michael could do it in reverse...anything is possible!! |
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| April 30, 2003 Los Angeles, California -- Jack Osbourne, the 17-year-old son of heavy metal star Ozzy Osbourne, has checked into a drug and alcohol rehabilitation clinic, some magazine reported. (So what!!) (No...No...this is officially now changed to "Naaaa - You Don't Say!!)
The teenager entered Las Encinas Hospital in Pasadena on April 23, according to the issue appearing on newsstands Friday. ("Naaaa - You Don't Say!!)
"I got caught up in my new lifestyle and got carried away with drugs and alcohol," Osbourne told the magazine (Dude...you live with OZZY!! What the fuck do you mean "NEW LIFESTYLE"??? You are the poster child of the poster child for drug and alcohol abuse!! Naaaa - You Don't Say!!).
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Ozzy's Son Jack in Rehab
(So what!!)
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!!
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| Jack went on to say, "Once I realized this, I voluntarily checked myself into a detox facility for my own health and well-being." (Okay...with that last bit of non-sense coming out of little Jack stupid....I'm officially changing the name of this entry to "Dude...You gotta be fucking kidding me!!) |
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British scientists say fish
do feel pain (So what!!)
  
Charlie ain't the only Chicken of the sea!!
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April 30, 2003 London, England -- British scientists say that after years of debate, they now have proof that fish feel pain (So what!!). Animal activists are on the warpath after a study released on Wednesday showed how rainbow trout react to discomfort (Yeah...it's about to get cooked! You would be a little discomforted too!!). They condemned fishing as cruel and demanded an end to the sport (Dude....ever hear of "Red Lobster"...ever hear of "Fish Sticks"....what the fuck do you think they are made of?? Tofu??).
The research found that fish have receptors in their heads (called a "Brain"!) and that subjecting them to noxious substances causes “adverse behavioral and physiological changes.” (Tell ya what....just subject them to a hook in the mouth and cut off it's damn head cause I got the grill nice and toasty and it's time to bar-b-que up some Surf and Turf!!)
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| Bee venom or acetic acid (What the fuck??) was injected into the lips of some of the trout (...that's gotta hurt!! But, so what!!), while control groups of fish were injected with saline solution or merely handled (...lucky control group!!). The trout injected with venom or acid began to show “rocking” motion — similar to that seen in stressed higher vertebrates — and those injected with acetic acid began rubbing their lips in the gravel of their tank. (Dude...you would be rocking too if someone just stuck you in the mouth with a needle full of Bee venom or acid. Last I looked, that shit hurts!! The damn trout was probably trying to "ROCK" his ass away from your cruel ass!!) |
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| April 29, 2003 Rejectville, USA -- After receiving unanimous approval from her family and friends (cuz they want to see her Ta-Ta's!!) Sarah Kozer is going to get naked and pose in Playboy. Now, the reality show runner-up is on the cover of the magazine's June issue. (So what!!)
Kozer said she only agreed to pose for Playboy if the photos entailed no full-frontal nudity (What...no muff??). "I was a women's studies major," she said Monday night at a party celebrating her appearance. (So what!!)
This isn't the first time the 29-year-old has modeled (...is that what you call it??); as the Fox series was airing, it was revealed that she'd appeared in bondage and fetish films to help pay the bills during law school.
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"Joe" reject to pose in Playboy (So what!!)
That Sara chick is gonna show her Ta-Ta's!!
(So what!!)
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| (Sure it was to help pay for bills....I think she a freak. And not even a closet freak!! A straight up and down sitting on the curb with a big ass hand painted sign that says "Will Work in Fetish Films Cause I Gets My Freak On!!" freak!! Yeah baby!!)
"Joe Millionaire" star (Star???) Evan Marriott chose Zora Andrich (So what!!) over Kozer (So what!!), but the two since have split up (Wait...I'm confused...Zora and Sara spit up! Awwww....I didn't know it was that kinda party!!).
Since the show's February finale, Kozer has been finishing a novel and a cookbook (So what!!) and coping with the chaos of her newfound fame (Shut up and get to showin the Ta-Ta's!!). Sipping champagne and surrounded by pals and publicists (who want to see her Ta-Ta's!!), Kozer said of the whirlwind, "I don't like it, but I don't mind it ("cause I get's my freak on!!")."
"If this is the worst that life has to dish out for me," she said, "I can't really see any reason to complain." (Unless someone shows those pictures where I was fully frontally nude!! But then again...SO WHAT!!)
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Madonna related
to Celine (So what!!)
 
So what...so what...so what...so what...so what!!
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May 2, 2003 Whogivesafuckville, USA -- Thanks to a little web research (that I admit I didn't do!!), Ancestry.com has ferreted out the newest member of clan "Material Girl." (So what!!) So which unwitting diva is related to pop icon Madonna? Celine Dion (I just told you that in the headline....duh!!) |
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| NOTE: Granted, this "So What" moment is especially Sowhatish!! I mean, who really gives a fat flying fuck? I know I don't. Aw screw this - I'm going to go watch X-Men 2!! |
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| May 9, 2003 Whogivesafuckville, USA -- NOTE: Officially I'm changing this to "Who Cares!!!"
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| So I'm reading this fluffy fluff piece about prime time television shows, but what I really should have been doing is soaking my feet in acid. That would have made my brain swell and just about pop in the same fashion as the dribble I allowed myself to digest regarding these television show romances needing to blossom.
Along with the folks from West Wing, Gilmore Girls, and Judging Amy - this piece went on to give romantic forecasts for players in Boomtown, 24, Dawson's Creek, Friends, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Smallville, NYPD and ER!
WHO CARES?!?
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Actors Who Have To Kiss Soon
(So what!!)
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| West Wing |
Gilmore Girls |
Judging Amy |
So what...so what...so what...so what...so what!!
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| I don't. So what!! They kiss...they smooch...they get busy - and someone gets knocked up!! Whooopde freakindo!! It's all FICTION people!! Geez!
April 2006 Update: I have to be honest...I sorta got into "Judging Amy" in re-runs. Yeah, I admit...Amy needed to do her Mandingo Warrior just to get a gooder perspective on life. I mean, come on, she is a bit of a slut and an airhead to be a judge!! I'm sure once she got laid with that studman of a hammer , Bruce, she was totally wanting it forever and ever more. Until her slutabilities came back and she just had to get with stoopid people again. Okay, nuff said. It's on and I have to go watch it!
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The Sexual Politics of Hyenas
 
Males do best with friendly attitude, not stalking
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May 13, 2003 Yougottabefuckinkiddinmeville, USA -- Friendly rather than aggressive behavior is the way to win the ladies, judging by research into hyenas’ mating patterns by British and German scientists published on Wednesday. Scientists used genetic techniques to study the mating tactics used by three clans of spotted hyenas from the Serengeti National Park in Tanzania.
MALE HYENAS THAT tried to be friendly rather than aggressive had far more luck with the ladies, according to their study published in the Proceedings of the Royal Society. Males did not get very far if they tried to coerce or monopolize female hyenas. Those that took the time and energy to develop relationships had more luck in siring offspring.
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| “What this paper reveals is the enormous amount of sexual politics among members of large hyena clans. I suspect that many might think females would choose to mate with socially dominant males ... but our results show this is not the case with hyenas,” said Marion East, from the Institute for Zoo and Wildlife Research in Berlin. “The friendlier male hyenas are, and the longer they stick around, the more favorably they are looked on by female hyenas,” she added.
Females were impressed by “grooming, greeting, and amicable gestures,” according to the study. Shadowing a prospective partner for weeks or months or trying to defend a female from the attention of other male hyenas was considered a turn-off.
In another blow to male self-confidence, the study showed that some males were simply bad at understanding when females were receptive and fertile. To further undermine attempts by dominant male hyenas to monopolize paternity and counter infanticide, some females would mate with several partners.
YOU GOTTA BE FUCKIN KIDDIN ME?!! WHO GIVES A RAT'S FAT ASS?!?!
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Hotel in hot water over Madonna (So what!!)
Kabbalah me a river
(haa-haa...I just made a pun!!)
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April 29, 2003 Cologne, Germany -- Hotel workers are in hot water over water for Madonna to drink and have been frantically calling other countries, trying to locate a retailer of Kabbalah water. (So what!!)
“We are having a very important guest who will only drink very special water,” says one source. After being pressed, one hotel worker confirmed that the guest was Madonna. (So what!!)
Kabbalah water is made and distributed exclusively by a branch of the new faith Madonna has embraced. (Uh...hmmmm....so what!!) A spokeswoman for Madonna denies the story (So what!!), saying, “Madonna is bringing her own water.” (So what!!)
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| NOTE: Who really gives a rat's fat ass about water?!? Don't you people know that there are dogs being shot in the head and living? I mean, come on!! George Romero should have a field day with that one!! Think about it...a movie where dead dogs come back as zombies and walk the earth and go to shopping malls!! It could be called "Night of The Return of The Day of The Dog Day Afternoon"...or something like that!! |
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| April 24, 2003 BradPittLand, USA -- A model of Brad is actually getting a face-lift of sorts at Madame Tussaud's museum of waxed famous folks in London (So what!!). Fitted with a lifelike behind, modeled in foam and silicone from a mold of the real thing, this Brad offers his buns up for anyone willing to grab hold (So what!!).
A rep for the museum told reporters, "Brad Pitt is one of our sexiest exhibits anyway (So what!!), so he is an ideal candidate for the first ever squeezable waxwork (sounds stupid!!). He is a huge hit with the ladies (...and a few of the men too!!) and, after Kylie Minogue's bottom (Kylie has a nice bottom!!) got so much attention, we thought we'd have a bit of fun with this new figure."
For four years now, the Pitt model has been one of the museum's hottest attractions (So what!!). Employees claim that in addition to having to clean up lipstick smears (gross!!), they find panties left in the pockets of his suit (...are you sure Monica Lewinsky hasn't been hanging around the museum of late?).
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Brad's Buns Up For Grabs (So what!!)
A model of Brad is getting a face-lift...on it's butt (So what!!)
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Canine survives being hit by a car, gunshot wound and deep freeze (So what!!)
A dog named Dosha lived through life-threatening events
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April 23, 2003 Clearlake, CA -- In an amazing story of canine survival California-style, a dog named Dosha has shown she has nearly as many lives as the average cat (So what!!).
Dosha was hit by a car near her owner’s home on April 15. Next, a police officer shot her in the head to put her out of her misery (Sounds like he did a GREAT job!!). Then, presumed dead (The dog...not the officer!!), she was put in a freezer at an animal control center. Two hours later, when a veterinarian opened the door to the freezer, she was shocked to find Dosha standing upright in a plastic orange bag - the equivalent of a human body bag (considering the dog should be DEAD!).
The police chief in Clearlake defended the officer who shot Dosha (So what!!). Police Chief Bob Chalk says the officer did nothing wrong when he shot the dog in the head last week (except miss....that is!!).
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| He says the dog had been hit by a car and was in pain (so shooting it in the head would help!!). Police say the dog’s owner may be cited for letting her pet run free (So what!!). The case remains under investigation by police and Animal Control (and the person who certified that the officer knows how to operate a gun!!).
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If you shoot a dog in the head to put it out of it's pain from getting hit by a car...what do you do to it for having lived through being shot in the head?? Make it watch "Dawson's Creek"!!!
NOTE: I am a dog lover!! Not saying that I like to have sex with dogs (you people are sick!!) - but I generally love animals!! The MAIN reason I put this piece up is because....well, let's face it - who the fuck cares??? I mean, get serious. They just found a fucking DEAD baby and a mother with no head or legs bobbing around in the water. A bunch of people get die EVERYDAY....some get murdered...some starve to death...some are forced to watch Dawson's Creek! But do you see stories of these people in the news??
NOOOO!!!
So I really don't give a shit about a damn dog that got hit by a car...then shot in the head...then lives!!
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| April 21, 2003 Hollywood, CA -- The talk is that a bar-hopping Britney Spears was getting around town famously with few problems, until she hit the uber-trendy Joseph's in Hollywood. Perhaps the night she popped in, they were fresh out of patience for divas. (So what!!)
After Britney and two gal pals were given the best seats in the house, the perky tag team proceeded to light up cigarettes. (Ooooh, not cigarettes!!) When club bouncers asked for the smokes to be squashed, her burly bodyguards said she didn't have to. (So what!!)
Well, apparently she sure does! It's the law here in Hollywood and that's why she was thrown out of the club. (Oh poor baby got da boot!! So what!!)
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Spears throws hissy fit (So what!!)
Asked to put out a cigarette she cries foul! (So what!!)
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Madonna video scrapped
(So what!!)
Scared her video would cause people not to like her (So what!!)
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April 20, 2003 Madonnaland, USA -- Madonna's controversial "American Life" video has now been scrapped completely (So what!!).
Ever since the filming of the clip, Madonna has become subject of ridicule by certain sectors of the American press claiming her ant-war clip was un-American (It is and so is she...but so what!!).
The video was made prior to the invasion of Iraq and that chain of events lead to an emergency edit to tone down some of the sentiment.
Now she has gone one step further. She has canned the clip (So what!!).
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"I have decided not to release my new video (So what!!)" she says in a statement. "It was filmed before the war started and I do not believe it is appropriate to air it at this time. Due to the volatile state of the world and out of sensitivity and respect to the armed forces (...and because I don't want people to stop buying my stuff and liking me ... TOO LATE!!), who I support and pray for, I do not want to risk offending anyone who might misinterpret the meaning of this video. (LIAR!!)"
"American Life" is her 10th studio album (So what!!).
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April 19, 2003 London, England -- A British designer has made what he says is the world's first inflatable church (So what!!) -- a gray plastic building with a blow-up organ, pulpit, altar, Gothic arches and fake stained glass windows
(So what!!)
Michael Gill says the church, which stands 47 feet high to the tip of its steeple, could revolutionize the Anglican Church, suffering from dwindling attendance for years. (I think he is stupid...but so what!!)
Vicars could carry it around with them on the back of a truck and set it up on patches of grass or in village squares for impromptu services, he said. (Yeah...it's called a "Tent Revival"...idiot!!)
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World's First Inflatable Church
(So what!!)
Designer wants to sell one to Pope (So what!!)
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| "This could change the whole perception of what the Church stands for," (Yup...now folks will just think it's STUPID!!) Gill said. "It's revolutionary (It's STUPID!!). It's moving with the 21st century. (So what!!)" "If people won't go to church then the church needs to go to the people," he said. "This is one way of doing it." (Methinks he was dropped on his head when he was a baby!!)
NOTE: I have recently found out that the Pope called this guy (on a weekend when the rates where cheaper!!) (Hey!! He may be the Pope...but he gotta watch his money too, ya know!! You ever try to make a long distance phone call from Rome to Stupidville???? Big time rates!!) But I digress. The Pope told bubble boy, "I ano wanta da blow upa churcha nota while I'ma da Pope!!"
NOTE about the NOTE: I kinda totally made that last part up about the phone call. He's the Pope. He don't gotta call you!! He just "appears" in your room hovering over your bed while you try and sleep....like a damn ghost or somethin!! Dude...I wouldn't mess with the Pope, if I were you. He is connected. And I don't mean MOB!!
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Sniper suspect faces disciplinary hearing for writing another inmate
(So what!!)
Disciplined last month for writing on cell floor (So what!!)
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April 17, 2003 FAIRFAX, Virginia -- Sniper suspect Lee Boyd Malvo is facing more disciplinary action in jail after allegedly writing a letter to another inmate saying that a deputy sheriff should be "fatally injured," jail officials said. (So what!!)
Jail officials disciplined Malvo last month for writing "Muhammad" on his cell floor and drawing on his shoes (Stupid...but so what!!). This time, jail officials said, Malvo sent a letter to another inmate, violating a policy prohibiting such communications. (So what!!)
The letter was mailed out of the jail to a phony address (So what!!) and used the other inmate's name as the return address so it would be sent back to him to circumvent the rule, Maj. James Whitley said. (So what!!)
Malvo is accused of violating prison rules by writing another inmate a letter. (So what....he gets lonely up in prison by himself!!) He faces an administrative hearing next week, with his lawyer present. (Oooohhhh his lawyer is going to be there.....uhm ....So what!!)
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Melissa Etheridge is engaged (So what!!)
Musician to tie knot in L.A. (So what!!)
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April 16, 2003 Los Angeles, California -- Rocker Melissa Etheridge plans to tie the knot at the end of this year with her companion of two years, actress Tammy Lynn Michaels. (So what!!)
“This is the first wedding for both of them, (well...not really, but hey...it's their world!!)” Etheridge’s publicist, Marcel Pariseau, said Tuesday (So what!!).
He declined to reveal plans for the ceremony except to say it would take place in Los Angeles (So what!!)
Etheridge, 41, has been dating Michaels, 28, for about two years (uhm....so what!!), Pariseau said. The musician shares custody of a daughter and a son with former partner Julie Cypher. (Yeah....you know what...so what!!)
The two made news in 2000 when they revealed that musician David Crosby was the sperm donor for their children, who were delivered by Cypher. (Big time so what!!)
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| May 28, 2003 Yougottabekiddinmeville, USA -- Dumbass gets in legal trouble and is wanted by police. So what does he do? Goes to a baseball game and gets caught on the "Kiss Cam" kissing his girlfriend. But wait a minute!! How do cops know that that is their guy? I mean - there has to be a gazillion faces in that crowd!!
Well, as it turns out - his Parole Officer (who was also looking for him) was at that same game. And...just at that wonderful "Kiss Cam" moment....he looked up and saw his guy making out with his girlfriend!!
Needless to say - moments later they arrested the guy!!
So this entry is officially changed to:
"You Stupid Moron!"
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Fugitive Caught at on Kiss Cam
Idiot. That's all I have to say about that!!
I'm sure he will be doing a lot of kissing behind bars!!!
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| May 28, 2003 Whogivesafatflyingfuckville
122 years ago Billy "The Kid" died. Now, some butt fuck wants to spend time and money to determine if Billy actually died in a gunfight.
SO WHAT!!
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There are many stories about the death of Billy the Kid (like the fact that he died 122 years ago!!), with the prevailing history saying that Billy was gunned down by one the state’s most famous Wild West lawmen, Sheriff Pat Garrett.
There are others who say the Kid fled to England and died of old age, while another story has the gunslinger dying in Hico, Texas at the age of 90. (either way....SO WHAT!!)
NOTE: I would normally go ahead and spell out the rest of the article and then make fun of it - but this is just a waste of cybertime!! Who really gives a rats fucking fat ass!!!
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