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Well, if I didn't say how much I think something sucks all the time - I would have to change the name of the website to something like "The Sometimes Things Suck But if I Wasn't So Busy Playing with Myself I Could Clear My Mind And Realize Things Don't Actually Suck I'm Just Reacting To An Implant of Suckness.com."
But what does that have to do with the first ever movie review on ASR? Absolutely nothing. And...if you care to know, this isn't actually the first ever movie review done on ASR. Well, it is - but I say it isn't, so it isn't. The first movie review I did was many many years ago (about 35 million) around when the movie "Contact" (with Jody Foster) came out. Unlike Jody, when the movie came out.....pregnant pause......I got a chance to see it. And I really liked it. Except it sucked. So I did a review of it and put it on my site.
My site, at the time, wasn't called the All Suck Review. It was called something else. Something else not the All Suck Review. But the review that I did was funny. It made me laugh. But later - when I really learned how to type with one hand - and changed ISPs, I lost the files and thus the review was gone forever.
Tom Cruise is a glorious actor and has great teeth! (Give me some pie, damn it!!!)
Then, later, I did another review of the movie Spawn. Actually, I did a review of the movie before it came out. It was the first of it's kind. I did a review of the movie solely based on the commercials. And it was funny too. And then a week or so after I did the review, the movie came out and I went to go see it and did another review.
But, unlike Mission Impossible (BTOT) 3....I paid to see Spawn and Contact. I wouldn't be caught reborn being implanted with the likes of MI3. Not that I think it is gonna suck - which I do....why else would I review it on the All Suck Review? If I didn't think it sucks, that would be kinda ....uh, what's the word....CRAZY for me to review it here. My mind would just have to be filled with all sorts of visions of things that were just crazy nuts for me to to an All Suck Review of anythingness and say that it's havingness was not suckingness.
So, Mission Impossible (BTOT) 3 sucks. Big time....Over Time sucks!!. BTOT sucks. It sucks 3 times!! BTOT3. That's like sucks cubed!! BTOT to the third power of suck to the infinity of sucktitude in the galaxy of suck!
But, like I said - I didn't see it - nor could you pay me to see it. The only way you could get me in a cineplex to see this movie is if you...oh, let's say...wrapped me up in electronic ribbon and froze me to my seat or glued me to a bunch of other people who were forced to view this suck piece of suckness. It would be torture I tell you....torture.
But, I think, after about 36 days of being forced to watch Ethan do his thang...which would suck....I could then think that it was worth the price of admission and that I would instantly want to leave the movie house, go home and prepare for a tax audit.
Layfette? Who the fuck names their kid Layfette? Yeah....that is about the most non-Moe name that there could be to name a child. I'm thinking Larry, Lloyd, Lucifer...maybe. But Layfette? Where's my damn pie!!!
But I digress. I guess I'm a Digressive Personality wraped up in a multitude of suckiness for all the one handed typing that I do.
So in conclusion - it is my opinion that Mission Impossible (BTOT) 3 sucks. But I would say that, now wouldn't I?
On the all new Movie Suckiness Scale - I give Mission Impossible (BTOT) 3....: A bunch of clams and a DC8!
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