Bad
Love
"Reason why we brake up..."
Okay - this song sucks! Bad
Love...Bad Breaks...Bad Songs...whatever - it sucks!
Normally, I would just go off on some supercilious
tangent on how much this track sucks (mostly because this is the All Suck
Review and I would get into trouble for false advertisement if I didn't
say it sucked)....but today isn't just any normal day. It's
Christmas....damnit!! And I feel like doing something special -
grand - one of a kind - grand (did I say grand
already) to mark this
occasion.
So what I'm going to do is do an analytical breakdown of
this track so we can not only determine why the love was so bad....but why
it sucks as hard as it does!!
First Verse
| Content
in Verse |
Analysis |
| The first
love I had had to open the door and told me how to do it like
I never done before. |
This is your classic departure from the
post pubescent masturbatory "if I had a woman with me right now I
would work it so hard that I would be sweatin" fantasy and
coming into his own as a young man and....aw hell....he got
laid!! So of course if he never got any and didn't really know
what to do with a woman (that didn't have to be filled with
air) she
would have to take the lead and show and tell him what to do!!
This suggests that she was an older woman...probably with a
history of seducing young men to satisfy her overwhelming need to be
in control (which probably stemmed from the fact that she either
wasn't breast fed or she watched "The Graduate" too many
times!) But
then again, that is a different story so let's get back to the first
bad love!! |
| She loved me sweet and
then something went bad. |
Yeah...he probably fucked around and came too fast! |
| Yeah
cause I found a paying visits to back door man. |
Okay, either I couldn't tell exactly what this line
was saying - or, the first love pulled the old "bait and
switch" move on this young inexperienced love
machine.
When he wasn't looking - some body came up from behind him and
started ramming things in his poop shoot. That would pretty
much make the first experience go to hell in a hand basket.
I mean, don't get me wrong - but it's kinda like getting your palette
all set up to swish back a nice cool refreshing gin and tonic only
to find out it's a Zima!! |
| And
I knew bad love was gonna make a big man out of me. |
I think this is where we start to get the
full hint of why this virgin come too fast with an older woman
experience getting duped and having something shove up the butt
turns out to go south in a fast way. See...if I'm trying to
knock some boots and somebody sneaks up behind me and shove anything
in my butt - ain't nobody makin a big man out of nuthin....there is
gonna be a fight!! |
Second Verse
| Content
in Verse |
Analysis |
| Now the next
one I had taught me just one thing...I'll never waist your money on
a diamond ring. |
Now we start to see that this person has
a condition in which they fear being alone. That is why they
immediately jump into another relationship - not giving time for the
bad feelings of having something shoved up the butt during the debut
door opening I'm gonna get it on with an old lady love making
session heal.
But rather jumps right into a relationship with a woman who,
evidently, has a fear of commitment and comes right out and tells
him that there is no way in hell I would ever marry you - so don't
even waist your time, energy or resources thinking like that.
She probably just wanted to get drunk and screw. |
| She loved me sweet and
then something went wrong. |
Yeah...ya think!!! |
| Probably
when her old boyfriend come back into town. |
See....what did I tell ya? The ho has a problem
being in a committed loving relationship. I mean, there is a
reason that it is her "old boyfriend" - that means either
he got tired of her shit and bailed...or she was like "you know
what....don't even waste your time on buying me a wedding ring....I
just wanna get drunk and screw!"
But then on the other hand, it's probably that her boyfriend has
a job that carried him out of town on business trips (like a
salesman, a truck driver, or a pimp) and now he is coming back into
town after being gone for a few weeks and he wants to get drunk and
screw. He is probably a little older than her (hence the title
"old boyfriend")....so she just a slut that likes ta get
drunk and screw - and you about to get your face punched in!
Damn dude....first ya get something shoved up your butt...now you
about to get your face punched in. This is just not your day!!
I would suggest that after the bruises go away...you take a
calming retreat. Spend a little "me" time. Get
to know you...and get to like being with "you". |
| And
I knew bad love was gonna make a bitter man out of me. |
Okay....so I was wrong from before.
Bad
Love didn't make a "big" man out of him - he is saying
it's gonna make a "bitter" man out of him.
It don't
matter....it still sucks!!
|
Third Verse
| Content
in Verse |
Analysis |
| music music
music |
Okay....there really isn't a third verse
(per se)....but there is some music. Which is good in the
healing process. It give time to reflect on all the bad roads
one went down and gives time to pause to ask "Whatz up with
these crazy bitches!!" |
Next Verse
| Content in
Verse |
Analysis |
| Now the next
one to come she was a whole different thang. |
To be fair to the lyrics, perhaps I have
heard the line wrong. He is either saying that the next woman
that he brought to an orgasm - or the next woman that he met had a
different sized love tunnel honey pot hole.
(Oh what difference does it make? I mean, if it were
me...getting my face punched in...getting stuff shoved up my
butt...I'd give up on women all together and start dating sheep or
somethin!!) |
| Not much commitment,
but a whole lot of zing. |
Oh bro...here ya go again falling back
into the vicious circle. When will you learn to break the
cycle of getting into relationships with non-committal women??
I don't care how many snack cakes they have!!
|
| Yeah she
loved me sweet and then things went sour. |
All I can say is "you can lead a
horse to water, but if you shot that fucker you would be in a lot of
trouble with the ASPCA!!" |
| Hey but
that's how I live without rates by the hour. |
As the bitterness sets in, it is plain to
see that this person is living in a constant state of denial
thinking that putting up with the pains of relationships is what you
have to go through unless you get a hooker!
Hooker have their own sets of problems and emotional bags they
carry which is what probably lead them to a life of prostitution (either
that or they like to get drunk and screw!!) |
| And
I knew bad love was gonna make a bitter man out of me. |
No wonder the love situation (and song
sucks)....no one is learning from past mistakes and using
foreseeable opportunities to grow and evolve into something more
than just the sum of our parts (or find a hootchie who don't cost
that much for just quick shack and snack!) |
Last Verse (come on bring it on home!!!!)
| Content in
Verse |
Analysis |
| Now the one
I got now has got all the right curves. |
As we head into the final verse of this
suck love bizarre (and suck track), it sounds as if the one that has
been picked as yet another rebound relationship at least has a nice
curvy body. That's something....at least....isn't it? |
| She's got a
whole lot of class and has got a whole lot of nerve. |
Okay....we may be doing a bit
better. She has got a nice body, classy, and overly
sensitive.....I could work with that!! |
| Yeah she
sings so sweet and I can play her so hard. |
Okay....nice body, class, nerves, can
sing - and he can play her hard. I'm going to go out on a limb
and say that perhaps the "playing her so hard" is a not so
subtle innuendo to having sex.
If it is - well at least he learned to have sex with someone without
have a surprised object shoved up the butt!! |
| Awe she's a
real good girl - My electric g'tar. |
So let me see if I get this straight: He is having sex with a
g'tar!!
No wonder things suck so bad!!
(I wonder does he have
one of those "waa-waa" peddles and what that does for the
whole experience??) |
| And
the new bad love aint gonna make a bitter man out of me. |
Well of course not silly rabbit!! It's an
inanimate object!!! |
Well, at least we now have a fuller understanding of why all the Bad
Love made this suck as hard as it did!!
On the Dancing Idiot Thingamarooo, Bad
Love...gets.....a couple of g'tars and the men who love
them!! (oh yeah...and a goo-goo eyed guy, just thrown in because
it's Christmas!!)
|
